Helping Ourselves and Helping Our Children

by Amy Griffith Taylor, MSSW, CMSW
Director, Victim Intervention Program
Behavioral Health Services Division
Metropolitan Nashville and Davidson County Police Department

Everyone in our nation has been touched, directly or indirectly, by the horrific tragedy of September 11, 2001. Children are especially vulnerable to this trauma because of all the unforgettable images and the fear associated with the images. Some children will have had a loved one or someone they knew killed in the tragedy. Others will know friends who knew some one who was killed. And some will not know anyone directly affected, but understand that many individuals have been killed. As concerned adults we want to help our children feel physically and emotionally safe. We want to be able to answer their questions. We want to be able to respond sensitively and appropriately to their needs. We want to provide a supportive and stable environment for our children. Below we have provided you with "Trauma Recovery Tips for Children", but before these "tips" can be helpful you must take care of yourself. So please read through " The Trauma Recovery Tips" first and then the section on "Trauma Recovery Tips for Children". Children pick up on the reactions of adults around them and act accordingly.

Trauma Recovery Tips:

Many people will experience a variety of emotions and reactions to the terrorist attack that took place recently. These reactions may include feeling numb, angry, sleepless, fearful, and helpless. And individuals and communities who have previously experienced a tragedy will have stronger reactions and additional needs. The following information has been complied from numerous crime victim assistance organizations with the intent of providing individuals information to help themselves, their children, and to know when professional mental health services may be appropriate.

  • Talk. Allow yourself the time to verbalize your reactions/emotions and share them with someone you trust. Talking about the unbelievable makes the processing of our emotion/reactions more manageable. If you are not able to talk with someone, write in a diary or journal. Everyone needs an outlet for his or her emotions.
  • Recognize concentration may be limited. It is a typical reaction under these circumstances for individuals to have difficulty concentrating. Hopefully employers recognize this and accommodate.
  • Allow yourself to cry. Tears are natural and healthy during a time of mourning. They are a normal reaction for men, women, and children to internal stress. Tears also remove unhealthy stress-related toxins from the body.
  • Limit television, radio, and written media covering the tragedy. We all want to be informed, but you need a break from the constant images and information related to the tragedy.  Take the time to listen to calming music or take a walk to remind yourself that most people in the world and in your community are good
  • Remember people have different reactions to the same event. How we react to a specific trauma is determined by many variables such as: availability of coping skills, past life experiences, and availability of support system. How you react is not how everyone will react, and what is helpful to one person may not be helpful to another.
  • Help others. Donate blood, volunteer with organizations working to assist those directly affected, and/ or send money to the American Red Cross or one of the organizations that are directly helping.
  • Remember and honor the victims, rescue/recovery workers, their families, and our nation. Light a candle in your home or window. Fly an American Flag. Attend a church, synagogue, mosque or other faith community service or vigil.
  • Seek other assistance. If you are overwhelmed with feelings and emotions related to this tragedy contact a mental health professional in your area. You may feel alone during this difficult time, but you do not have to be alone.

Emotional Responses of Children

  • The reactions children have to a trauma involves both the impact the tragedy had on their lives as well as the child's sense the tragedy had on their parents lives.
  • Emotional responses will vary from child to child in the nature of the response and the severity.
  • Emotions and responses many children are experiencing from this tragedy are fear, loss of control, anger, loss of stability, and uncertainty.

Trauma Recovery Tips for Children

  • Be calm. Children will mirror your responses. To show some emotions can be helpful to a child and will encourage him or her to express theirs. However, intense feelings you have should be shared with another adult.
  • Talk to your children about the tragedy. Children need the opportunity to ventilate their feelings, as adults do, and they need to know those feelings are valid. Younger children may find it helpful to draw pictures of the trauma. And children may act out the trauma in their play. Older children may need to discuss questions such as " How could anyone do this?". When your child is most upset, allow him or her to cry if they need to, identify the feeling and then don't forget to express hopes and faith that thing will be all right.
  • Help your child identify his or her feelings. If your child is reluctant to to talk about the trauma, ask them what they think or what they think other children think about the event. Try to recognize the feelings your child's action may be reflecting and help put them into words. " I wonder if you are feeling scared about this?"
  • Tell the truth but don't give more information than they ask. Allow children to ask the questions, listen carefully, and then answer. Answer as simple as possible and if your child wants to know more, he or she will ask another question. And when you don't have all the answers that is OK too.
  • Help your child feel safe. Maintain normal routines to provide a sense of security. If children are fearful in the evening keep a light on in their room, spend some special time with younger children before bed and read a story together, sit with them as they fall asleep, find a special animal or blanket they can sleep.
  • Allow your child to participate in honoring the victims, rescue/recovery  worker and our nation.
  • Seek out other assistance. If your child has a severe reaction contact mental health resources such as the school counselor, community mental health center, or crime victim services in your community.

Ms. Taylor is a National Expert on services for victims of crime and is the Supervisor of  the Victim Intervention Program, a program that has provided services to citizens of Nashville and Davidson County for over twenty-five years. This article was complied from information available from the National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA) and the National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC) and the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP). Additional information and trauma recovery tips and information can be found at www.try-nova.org, www.ncvc.org, www.azsba.org