EMPATHY

[photo of couple]Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes. Empathy can be used as a tool to overcome differences in gender, age, culture, and work roles. It also helps minimize our most human tendency to be judgemental or have a "know it all" attitude toward others who are different from us.

To empathize one must:

a. Tune into the thoughts or feelings of another and tune out one's own judgements. "You seem proud of what you did", "You're feeling angry about that."

b. Reflect these thoughts and/or feelings back in a manner that allows the speaker to see that his/her thought or feelings have been experienced, understood and/or appreciated. "That hurt a lot, didn't it?" "I get the feeling you're pleased about this, is that the case?"

Levels of empathy: When we converse we demonstrate different levels of empathy, depending on the situation. You can usually tell how you're doing by observing the other person's response. Aim for a level 2 response. Level 3 is when you're really "tuned in".

Level 1: No empathy, failed empathy or "empty empathy", (which is phoney or inauthentic) Subtracts content or affect from communication. Other person rejects your response eg. "No I don't feel that way", or his/her involvement, interest, or continued responses are reduced.

Level 2: accurately reflects or mirrors ideas and/or feelings of the other person who confirms the accuracy with verbal or non verbal agreement eg. "that's exactly right" and/or continues to express thought or feelings about the issue using the listener's response as a stimulus for further communication.

Level 3: adds to the communications. The other person indicates the response has triggered new ideas or feelings and/or confirms that the empathic response has promoted new insight or awareness; eg. " I never saw it that way before".